


Confessions

by BrettseyBr



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Drunken Confessions, F/F, F/M, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:47:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28838031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrettseyBr/pseuds/BrettseyBr
Summary: Funny thing is that just a few numbers written on a piece of paper would end up with years and any hint of hope he could carry.But since nothing is simple, the shift had been incredibly hectic and he didn't have time to deliver it to her.  When he wasn't on a call, she was, and so it was for the rest of the day.He was sitting at the bar as usual, the change had been exhausting and adding that he felt like shit, drinking was more than welcome.He started with his usual beer, but was soon evolving into double whiskey and if he was counting, he would say he had already drunk more than enough to not be able to drive."And who cares"?  He thought.He was the right and respected captain, who almost never got off track and always let it go, right?  Boring, Boring and boring!And nobody should like the boring, because in the end he always ended up alone."Great, now in addition to being boring, I can add melodramatic to the sum.""Casey?"That voice, he knew that voice so well."Casey… Matt, are you okay?"
Relationships: Stella Kidd/Kelly Severide, Sylvie Brett & Matthew Casey, Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, I really wanted something from Casey's point of view, after the last few episodes, there is a Spoiler there, but I doubt anyone has seen or heard of the lieutenant ...   
> So, I hope you like it .. I think it was the biggest fanfic I have ever written, and I apologize for any mistakes I may have made when translating into English.

Matt was bored.  
It had been about three weeks since he got up enough courage to go to Sylvie's apartment.  
Since she almost ran away from Molly's and avoided him the entire shift, he wondered what he had done wrong, and when he realized, he was at his door asking the question he had asked himself for almost two days.  
When she said she was avoiding him, he felt confused, but then came the feeling of her lips on his.  
When she pulled away and looked directly at him, he could no longer contain himself, he kissed her back, with more intensity and less fear, he closed the door behind him, without interrupting the kiss, he remembers taking off his jacket and fumbling to remove her coat, smiles between kisses and the feeling of her body against his still made her body tingle.  
But then that question came. To be honest, he wasn't ready to answer, but not being ready and not being in love are two different things, aren't they?  
Judging by Sylvie's speech, they are not.  
It hurt like hell when she said that what happened between them could never happen again, but he couldn't fault it, he was the one to say "I don't know".

You know the worst? After so much reflection on the question, he still did not know how to answer. Not that he dropped everything and went to meet his ex, but he had never thought about the hypothesis. He just let the days go by, things happened and didn't really stop to think about his long-term life after the divorce.  
He was living with Severide and it was comfortable, he didn't have to go back to an empty house and think, so he didn't.

In the beginning it was easier like that, just ignoring the pain and the feeling of abandonment, then at some point the pain turned into nostalgia, a little easier to deal with, so all that was left were memories and an affection that he would always take with you about the past years.

Some time ago, he was sitting at Molly's when she came in, and he couldn't take his eyes off her. He made himself believe that it was a time of need and as they were spending a lot of time together he was confusing the feelings.  
But then everything just got bigger, he wanted to spend more time with her, he thought much more than he should in her, he cared more about her, her life was practically revolving around her. The problem is that it was with her that he vented about her past, she was present in a good part of everything and knowing her as he did, they would have no chance.

So, he did what he did best, he ignored her feelings and continued as a good friend, even though he wanted to be much more than that.  
He came very close to asking her out, but then there was Kyle, and his heart broke when she decided to go back to her hometown and leave Chicago, accepting his marriage proposal, but once he had "let it go" but she had a lot to deal with, Ottis's death was very difficult for all of them.

He wanted with all his might to stop her, say what she felt and make her stay, but he couldn't, maybe the chaplain could give her everything she deserved, stability and no luggage, but then she came back and for a he thought he could take a chance, just to be even more confused when she suggested he go to the charity dinner with Gabby.  
He was not good with feelings, he never had been, but he understood it as "I will always be friends with her and nothing more."  
In fact, surprisingly, it had been a good thing for him, that day he closed a part of his life, he understood that he would always love Gabby, but that love today was different, more like an affection.

When he and Sylvie approached again, everything fell apart. Knowing and losing Julie in such a short time ended her, he felt horrible for being unable to do anything but listen to her and be present.  
The day he held her in his arms in his chambers, he felt like he was sharing the pain with her, seeing how broken she was and the tears streaming down her usually smiling face almost made him cry.  
Since then, he has longed for her again. And when that happened, he just blew it.

His mind was hell, full of thoughts and unspoken things that should be, but he didn't know how.  
He tried to tell her, said he didn't regret it, that he had feelings for her, but she seemed determined to forget, and he, as a good gentleman, would stay with him.  
When Herrmann thanked him for letting things go without harming Mouch, he realized that that was it, he was the one who left, almost waiting for a miracle in life to repay him, but he never reciprocated him.

Often he just left. He left countless fights behind, left his sadness and disappointment with his parents, left when the divorce papers arrived in the mail, left his life and freedom to live with his best friend, just not to be alone, and now he would let her go.

The frown on his face was inevitable, he hated the simple fact that it took her longer to do the inventory, not to be with him, to pretend to be doing something just to not be in the same space as him, he hated all this distance from them.  
He wished he could say that he regretted the moment he kissed her, but it would be a lie, he didn't.  
He just didn't know how to move on.

To make matters worse, he saw the interaction between her and a lieutenant from another house. Nothing out of the ordinary, Sylvie was always the sweetest and most polite to people, but he, he clearly was not just being kind and polite, he wanted something more, which was only confirmed when he had the audacity to ask that he to hand over your phone number.

He thought about it for two whole days. Part of him knew it was not polite to hide it, but part of him (perhaps the biggest one) wanted to crumple the paper and throw it in the trash, pretending that nothing happened and continue the torture of his present day.  
But if there's one thing he learned from Sylvie, it's that the truth, however painful it was, was still a thousand times better than the lie, and hiding it from her would be like lying to her and he knew it would all get worse the moment she found out , and judging by the brightness in the look of a certain lieutenant, it wouldn't be long before she found out, he just didn't know how he would deliver the note.  
Funny thing is that just a few numbers written on a piece of paper would end up with years and any hint of hope he could carry.

But since nothing is simple, the shift had been incredibly hectic and he didn't have time to deliver it to her. When he wasn't on a call, she was, and so it was for the rest of the day.  
He was sitting at the bar as usual, the change had been exhausting and adding that he felt like shit, drinking was more than welcome.  
He started with his usual beer, but was soon evolving into double whiskey and if he was counting, he would say he had already drunk more than enough to not be able to drive.

"And who cares"? He thought.  
He was the right and respected captain, who almost never got off track and always let it go, right? Boring, Boring and boring!  
And nobody should like the boring, because in the end he always ended up alone.  
"Great, now in addition to being boring, I can add melodramatic to the sum."

"Casey?"

That voice, he knew that voice so well.

"Casey… Matt, are you okay?"

Only then did he realize that he was hunched over the table.  
He lifted his head to see her standing in front of him, more beautiful than ever.  
Taking perhaps the last drop of dignity he had ...

"Oh, I'm sorry… I'm fine, thanks."

"How many did you drink?"

" Not enough."

"Do you… do you need a ride?"  
Sweet, sweet Sylvie.

"No thanks, I have my car."

"You don't seem to be in a position to drive. I can call Severide or Stella."  
Of course, why did he think she would offer?

"Thank you, Syl… Brett! I can manage."

" No you can not."

"And does anyone care?"

"Casey… I…"

Registering the shit he had done, he tried to minimize it, she didn't deserve his bad mood.

"I'm sorry, I just… I think I drank more than I should have. You're right, I'll just call a taxi."

"Come, I will take you home."  
She reached out to take his arm.

"Damn it! I love that perfume of yours."

Sylvie looked at him and blushed.  
Damn it, Casey, expensive filter, you need to filter the words. He mentally scolded himself.

She said something to Herrmann that he didn't hear and when she realized she was getting the cold Chicago night air, in a way it was good to feel the cold wind on her face, it brought him back to reality.  
He stepped away from her a little and was heading for her truck, but she was following him. Why wasn't she ignoring him? She should have, he is a bore and now a bit drunk, he was sure he would regret it so much in the morning.

He arranged his posture as best he could. "Sylvie, I'm fine, really. I can go alone."

"After talking about my perfume? Sorry, but I don't believe you. Come on, give me the key!"

"What key?"

"From the car, Casey. I'm freezing out here."

"You look beautiful to me."

"And you said you were fine, huh ?!"

He put his hand in his pocket to get the key, but as he took out the key ring with the keys, a small white paper jumped out. He bent down to pick it up and ridiculously nearly fell, but managed to compose himself and stand.

"Here," he reached out, holding the stupid paper.

" What is it?" She took the paper.

"It looks like it's the number from hell."

" Hi?"

Filter, Matt ...

"The handsome lieutenant asked me to give it to you. I wasn't going, I was actually going to throw it away but .."

"You saved it!"

"That's what I do best. I ruin everything and any chance of being happy. You should call. He looks like a good person."

"Oh, Matt, you're going to feel so bad tomorrow." She seemed to ignore the information about the lieutenant. "Come on, the keys."

"Yes, ma'am!" He handed over the keys.  
"This is another thing that I do well, obey orders. I am so predictable and boring"

She opened the passenger door so he could get in and was surprised that he did it without getting hurt, considering how much he was drunk.  
She came around to sit next to him in the driver's seat and felt her heart break when she saw him looking ahead without focusing on anything, it was like he was traveling in that vibe of sadness that he was exuding.

" You're not boring." She said without looking at him, putting the car in motion.

"Go for me, I am."

"Matt .."

"Sylvie looks at me, nobody wants to be with me. I always ruin everything and in the end everyone is gone."

Funny, she had thought exactly the same thing, but hers and not his.

"You are just drunk, this will pass."

"What? The feeling of being a total failure or my love for you? Why, honestly, that hasn't passed."

"Oh, Matt. I wish you weren't so drunk right now."

He was silent and so was she.  
Was he serious? Did he really love her? Why couldn't he say that while he was sober?

She parked her car in Severide's building and was unbuckling her belt when he spoke.

"I should say everything in my head."

"No, Matt, you wouldn't remember and it wouldn't be fair."

" I do not know how to say ."

" Say what? "

"How much I love you, or that I wouldn't go with her, or that I can be the right guy for you, maybe say that your happiness means more to me than my own. I told Severide that you were the only one in my mind but I was not able to say that to you, I’m pathetic. Now, besides that, I’m still a messenger of this lieutenant that I can’t even call an idiot because I know he’s not. "

Sylvie was in shock.  
Hearing all this left her speechless. Casey was never so open about her feelings and thoughts, of course she blamed the drink for that, but it seemed like he meant exactly what she said.  
She was confused, maybe if she would give him another chance and talk when he was walking without staggering.

"Come, you need a bath and a bed."

"I already dreamed of it." He smiled

"Casey !!!"

"Sorry. I'm probably talking more than I should have been."

"It sure is." But she was curious about his dream.

She decided to go up with him, it wouldn't be safe to leave a completely drunk Matt Casey alone around.

"You are like an angel."

"What?" She smiled, he was getting funny.

"It is as sweet as an angel should be."

"I don't think you should be drinking that much."

"If I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell anyone?"

"I don't think you should."

"I look at your ass when you pass me."

She gave a loud laugh. "You will definitely be sorry tomorrow."

"Ohh I… I will definitely be." He imitated her. Matt Casey was a cute drunk.  
But that he had said a lot. She was just as confused as before.

He had said he didn't know when she asked, then he didn't object to giving her the space she asked for, even if she did, deep down she expected him to say something or to act, but still the days went by and he stayed increasingly distant.  
Now he was saying about having fantasies about her, about being jealous and about loving. Matt Casey could be frustrating at times.

Arriving at the apartment door, she rang the bell and without waiting too long Severide opened the door.  
Sylvie came in and Casey followed.

"You see, I did it again. Maybe I better be in front of you, I just can't help it and don't look at your…"

"Casey !!!" She warned him, but deep down, she wanted to laugh.

Severide for his part did not contain himself, he smiled widely. "It's expensive, you're going to be in bad shape in the morning. How much did you drink?"

" Not enough."

"I see! Thanks Brett, for bringing him home."

" It was nothing."

"I don't think I've ever been so drunk in my life, I even look like you Sev." He threw himself on the couch.

"Haha how funny, I want to see you laugh about it all tomorrow friend, I want to see it."

"I'm going, now that we're almost all safe at home." She smiled.

"Did you come with your car?"

"No, I asked Herrmann to keep it for me. I'm going back to Uber."

"Bullshit, go with my car." Casey yelled from the couch.

"You don't have to, I'll call a car."

"Casey must be over the edge, I never saw him lend his car."

"She already has all of me, it wouldn't make a difference to take the car."

Severide laughed again.  
"Oh, man."

"I know, I know ... I'll be fucking tomorrow ... blah blah blah."

Now it was Sylvie who smiled.

"I think he will need some care tomorrow."

"I think he will need a psychologist tomorrow" Severide smiled.

"Come, I'll take you."

"And leave him alone? Are you kidding me?"

"I told you, take the car. Sev can pick you up tomorrow, so you can keep avoiding me."

"He didn't mean it, you know .." Severide tried to fix it.

"Oh, I did."

"Friend go for me, shut up ok ?!"

"Yes, sir" He got up on the couch so they could both see her face and zipped it over his mouth.

Lovely, Sylvie thought.

"Take the car, I'll pick you up in the morning. Or maybe the idiot of my talking friend wants to go and apologize. I haven't seen him like that in a while, to tell you the truth, I don't think I've ever seen him so drunk. Just… don't take it to the guys what did he say ok? he talks too much when he drinks, usually what he would like to say and can't. Give him a chance to explain himself after an ibuprofen and a lot of water. "

Casey was lucky to have a friend like Severide, Sylvie thought.

She smiled at him, said it was okay and left him a little confused when she borrowed a pen.  
She wrote something behind a small piece of paper and handed it over, asking him to give it to Casey in the morning.  
She was going to say goodbye to him, but he was already sleeping on the couch.

Brett came home with his car, thinking about everything he had said.  
He really kept a lot to himself and some of them broke his heart, but others made her smile.  
She slept better that night, very different from the nights before.

The next morning, Casey woke up with a huge headache and an extremely dry throat.  
He had a vague memory of drinking at Molly's and Sylvie in his truck.  
With sacrifice he got up and went to the kitchen to drink water, cursing the windows and their brightness. Severide was on his back doing something on the stove.

"Dude, has it always been so clear here?"

"Look who woke up. How are you feeling?"

"Rubbish. I don't think I ever drank that much."

"What do you remember yesterday?"

He struggled to remember, but everything was confusing, he had lapses in conversations and… "Sylvie… I screwed up again, didn't I?"

"If you ruined it, I don't know, but I've never seen you so honest and talkative, you even praised the .."

Casey put both hands on his head. " I'm an idiot! "

Severide turned off the fire and went to the counter to pick up something that was stuck under a glass bowl.

"Here, my stupid friend, Sylvie asked me to deliver this to you. By the way, am I going or are you going to get the car?"

" What car?"

"You are a friend, the day will be long for you. Your car."

" Where is my car?"

"Sylvie came home with him. Don't you remember? You said something like" She already has me all, what difference does it make to take the car too .. "

Casey winced. " I said that?"

"Uhum"

"In front of her?"

"In front of her!"

"Oh, shit!"

Severide smiled. "His luck was that Stella hadn't arrived yet, or she wouldn't see the end of it anytime soon."

Casey took the piece of paper from his friend's hand. He also took a bottle of water.

"I'm probably going to bury myself in the bedroom waiting for my dignity to come back, can you keep that between us?"

" Sure!"

Of course he wasn't going, it was in his face and in the smile he was holding.

Casey went back to the room, drank a headache medicine, in fact he wanted to lose his memory or die, who knows, he might never leave the room again, judging by the shame he was in now.  
But turning his attention to the paper, he realized that it was the same paper with the lieutenant's number, the one he should have handed over to her.

Turning to look at what was written, after all she asked Severide to give it to him, he smiled and did not regret for the first time that morning that he had drunk, even though his head was killing him.  
In the note that before there was only one number, there was a risk on them and written below:  
"I already have the contact of who I'm interested in. Call me when your headache gets better, kisses, Sylvie!"

He even thought about calling as soon as he read it, but his head was killing him and he badly needed good sleep.  
Wait, Severide said he praised the? He felt panicked, what else had he said? There were so many things he wanted to be able to say to her, he hoped he hadn't spoiled things between them even more.  
But she left a note, so he wasn't that ruined, was he?

He fell asleep thinking of several excuses to give her, and decided that he would pick up his car himself, it was better to face and solve things today, tomorrow they would spend the day together, well, not exactly together, it was work day, still they they would be in the same environment and I didn't want the climate between them to be even worse.

It was after two in the afternoon and Sylvie wondered if he would remember everything he had said to her or if things would still be strange between them when he received a message.

_"Hi, Sylvie, if there's no problem, I'm going to get the car." - Casey._

Well, at least he warned you. She would have time to prepare psychologically.

_" No problems." - Sylvie._

_"I hope you still want to talk to me, I mean, the day after yesterday." - Casey_.

_"You were actually pretty funny,"_ she sent a smiley face emoticon.

_"It must have been awful, because Severide keeps smiling." - Casey._

_"Oh Matt, you shouldn't be drinking like that." - Sylvie._

_"I know, I feel ashamed." - Casey._

"Don't, it was interesting. By the way, how's the head?"

Interesting? He didn't want to deceive himself, but it seems that that flirtation between them had returned.

_"It hurts like hell. Define, 'interesting'? - Casey._

_"Take something for the pain. Are you coming yet?" - Sylvie_.

The fact that she did not respond did not go unnoticed by him.

_"On the way, I arrive at 30." - Casey._

_"Okay, see you soon." - Sylvie_

He had already taken a shower, just changed clothes and called a car for the application, it was not something he used to do, so he got lost a little, but he did it.

"Hey, man. I'm going to get my car and I'll be right back." He said passing Severide that he was sitting with Stella leaning on him on the couch, and they both tried to hide their smiles.

"I see you kept it just for you." He said but he really wasn't mad at his friend.

"Oh Captain, I saw it when you left Molly's yesterday. Severide here, just updated me on your recent compliments."

"Thank you Severide!" He said checking the message on his cell phone, warning that the car had already arrived.

"You're welcome," Severide smiled. He probably wouldn't let his embarrassment go on for a long time.

"And Casey…" Stella yelled from the couch, making him look at her from the door. "You really should say that to her today, you know .."

" See you later." He ignored his friends' laughter in the apartment, but he couldn't help himself and smiled when he got into the elevator, he was pathetic, everything he was going through wasn't enough, he still had to add a little bit of praise about the back of it ?! He would definitely drink nothing more than a beer or two for the rest of his life.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was after three in the afternoon when he knocked on her door, and she can't help being nervous.  
She feared that he wouldn't remember anything and that things would return to the same as the previous days, she regretted being away and avoiding him and him doing what she asked.  
She opened the door and he had a shy smile on his face.

"I'm in a lot of trouble, aren't I?"

She smiled, he looked adorable. "No, Matt. It isn't. Unless you do it again."

She gave him room to enter and he closed the door when he passed.

"Go for me, starting today only beers for me."

"I think it's good, not that you're not a nice drunk, but I prefer you without the drink." Suddenly she was nervous. "I… I mean .. Sober, a sober friend."

She quickly left him and went to the kitchen. "I would ask if you want something to drink, but ... Water, maybe?"

"It would be nice, thanks."

She brought him a bottle of water and sat down next to him on the couch.  
She just wanted to clear her brain of the images she had of him on that very couch.

"So…" She started.

"Come on, tell me how bad I was."

"Don't you remember?"

"I remember flashes, I'm not sure how to tell what was real and what wasn't."

"Don't you remember declaring yourself to Gallo?" She couldn't resist the joke. She was longing to see him smile.

"WHAT? I DID WHAT?" He was shocked. And she started to laugh. " You're evil."

"You didn't do anything big, Casey. I got you out in time for Molly's."

"My savior."

Ah if he remembered that he called her an angel last night. But maybe it was for the best, she wouldn't take any chances, maybe he didn't even mean it.

"You know ..." He started saying a little embarrassed. "I think I did some indiscreet praise." He wrinkled his nose and closed his eyes, she loved it when he did that, remembered him imitating his accent the night he slept in her apartment.

"Nothing that didn't raise my self-esteem, by the way, thanks for that."

He smiled and she smiled back.

"Well, you know what they say, don't take into account what is said about the effect of alcohol." She said, taking a toss of her hair behind her ear and looking down at the floor.

"I don't know if I agree. I have a habit of being awful with words."

He felt terrible yesterday, that's why he drank so much, maybe he just needs to say in sobriety what was on her mind.

"Matt…"

"Sylvie, I don't remember exactly what I said, but if at any point I said that I am in love with you, I just said something I wanted to say and I didn't have enough courage."

"Casey… you don't have to…"

"I think I do. I don't have all the answers to the questions in that beautiful head, but I know what I want, Sylvie, I drank like an idiot yesterday because if the thought of losing you to another was killing me inside and I couldn't do anything to avoid it. I was always bad at following my instincts and when you asked for space I thought it would be a good thing for you, but that doesn't mean I wasn't suffering from it. "

Suffering? Was he suffering to the point of drinking because of her?

"What's more, I love your smile, I love the way you touch the watch strap when you're nervous, it's really adorable, I got used to being with you and not having you is the worst feeling I've ever felt and I ... I love that perfume. "

He had already said so much drunk that he did not see why not to say it now, if she still wanted space, at least he would be aware that he had not restrained himself, not this time.

"I like this Casey ..."

"What do you drink more than you should or what are you tired of keeping everything to yourself?"

"Both, I think. You can be funny when you drink."

"Do you know what doesn't change from one to the other?"

He became serious and looked directly into her eyes.

" What ?" She said a little lower than she intended, but her heart was beating so hard it felt like the air was missing.

"What I feel for you. The difference is that drunk I say out loud."

"You said you…

" Love?! "

" Yes! "

" I did not lie. "

" But you … "

"I was confused, Sylvie. I was just caught off guard. That's why I acted stupid, but you can't imagine how much is on my mind."

"I kind of do .." She frowned at him and held on to a smile.

"I said that too, didn't I?"

" Yes."

"I'm surprised I didn't give you my bank details." He smiled.

She smiled.

"Is it true that you look at my…?"

"Oh, it's very true," he covered his face with a pillow.

"Maybe I have to get you drunk again to find out about some dreams you mentioned yesterday."

He placed the pillow behind him and approached her. Before closing the distance between her mouths he said; "Or maybe I can show you .."

**Author's Note:**

> That's it, I hope it helps to balance the anxiety of this week a little by not having a new episode :(


End file.
